My Return

Boy, did I ever lose my writing mojo. I lost my mojo for a lot of things, but I've pulled it together for nearly every else. During the Christmas season, I had so many things that I wanted to share with you, but I couldn't seem to get them out of my head and unto your screen.


Pipsqueak got Wii Fit Plus for Christmas, which includes several games, one being Snowball Fight. One of the opponents is in a snowman costume. The first time you hit him, he falls over, the costume falls away and he pops up in human form looking dazed and shaking his head. You have to hit him again while he's dazed, before he recovers and redons the costume in order to win that point. That is a metaphor for my life the past few months. I was hit by a friend's death, and before I could shake that off, I was hit by another.


I don't make New Year's resolutions because I don't need a date on a calendar to dictate when I need or should make a change, and the changes I make are usually long term rather than for a year. This year, I felt like I needed a fresh start, and I hoped that New Year's Eve would be sort of a magic portal from a year that sucked to a brighter tomorrow. Of course, New Year's Day came, and I didn't feel any different. But I did realize that I don't feel as bad as I did a month ago.


I think I'll still make some changes... a few things that will make me happier: lose a little weight (as soon as all the holiday goodies are gone), exercise a little more (just because it feels good and I'll be healthier), paint a few things that need painting, purge a lot of stuff that I don't need, spend a little more time being creative (which includes writing here), finish several projects that have long been in progress and experiment with cooking more.

I also need to start accentuating the positive. I've never had to do that before, because I've always been a positive-thinking person, but I've felt way too negative lately. There are a lot of positive things in my life and a lot to be happy about. Those are the things that I've got to move to the forefront of my mind.

I've been away for awhile, but I'm on my way back.

Hit Me With Your Best Shot

I haven't blogged in many moons... well, four phases of the moon to be exact. I thought I'd spare you all my negativity because frankly, it wasn't such a great summer... particularly the last month. It was difficult for me to find humor in all that life was throwing at me, and since I write to entertain or inform you rather than garner your sympathy, I thought I would stay away until I had an attitude adjustment. I'm better now, so I'll spend less time taking quizzes and tending my farm on Facebook and a little more time writing and reading blogs.

I celebrated my improved mood with a flu shot yesterday, and it made me feel really good to take some control over my health. The last time I had the flu was in February 1997. Sweetie and I got it at the same time. I like to joke that we didn't get out of bed all of Valentine's weekend, and we shared a bottle of red (it was Robitussin). We were so sick that we took our temperatures and whoever had the lowest had to go make food. Food was tea and toast or Lipton soup and crackers. It was almost a month before we felt completely better. After that, we've both had a flu shot every year, and Pipsqueak gets them too. I'm thrilled to say that we've been flu-free.

I hear a lot of people say, "I'm not getting a flu shot. I got it last winter, and I was the sickest I've ever been. I got ______ (fill in the blank with pneumonia, bronchitis or any other viral or bacterial comeuppance)." People, the flu shot doesn't make you sick! It won't give you that stuff; it doesn't even prevent that stuff. It does not lower your immunity. It gives you a very good chance at preventing the flu, or if you do get the flu, it will lessen the severity. It would be like saying, "I'm not wearing my seat belt anymore, because last time I did I was in an accident and got seriously injured." It does take 30 days from the injection until you're fully protected, so you could still get the flu in that time. If you do get a non-flu virus, it has nothing to do with the shot. You were just unfortunate to be in close contact with someone with an upper-respiratory infection, and you caught it.

This year, just to heighten the confusion and panic, we have swine flu. (I'm sorry, but I'm not going to call it H1N1. I mean no disrespect to pigs, and I continue to eat them. I love me some bacon, but it's swine flu for me.) So there's a lot of worry over the rush to create a vaccine. Will it be safe? Will it cause Guillain-Barre in some people like the swine flu vaccine of the 70s? Will there be enough for everyone that wants it? Let's be calm and take a deep breath. This vaccine wasn't rushed anymore than any seasonal flu vaccine. The seasonal ones are based on whatever is going around in the winter for the southern hemisphere (our summer). It takes about four months to create a vaccine. Swine flu reared its head at the end of April and really got a foothold in May. Four months have now passed, and the vaccine is now being tested. It should be available in mid-October. It's not clear that there will be enough for everyone that wants it, but the CDC is recommending it for those age 6 months -24 years, particularly school age children, pregnant women and those people with underlying health conditions. If it's available to me, even though I don't fall under any of those categories, I will get it.

I'm not a medical expert; I don't even play one on tv. The information I have I got is from experience, the CDC and the WHO. If you have questions, go there and read. I'd rather hear that you're not getting the flu shot because you're afraid of needles rather than because you're mis- or uninformed.

You might buy a lottery ticket because you'd like a chance at several million dollars. You go on a date because you'd like a chance at love. Why not get a flu shot because you'd like the chance at not being sick in bed for days

Food... I Just Can't Quit You.

I love food and everything about it... the way it looks and smells, the texture, the ritual and (oh, be still my heart) the taste. I know a man who said if he could take a pill and not eat, he'd be happy. I wish I could take a pill and eat everything and anything I wanted.

I was lucky as a teen and an early 20-something; I could eat everything and anything I wanted and not gain weight. When I got a little older, I noticed a few pounds creep up, but I'd cut back a little and they'd fall right off. I've never dieted, but I did keep a food diary for awhile in my 20s when it occurred to me that I might not have the healthiest diet. Okay, I didn't need a diary to tell me that sugared jelly donuts didn't make a good lunch, but it did help me see the error of my ways.

In my 30s, I was eating healthy, well balanced meals, but I could still eat desserts, snack on junk when I felt like it and still maintain my weight. But recently, something happened to change all that. Although, I felt like my eating habits hadn't changed, I put on 8-10 pounds last winter.

In addition to my vigorous walks, I thought I should re-evaluate my eating. I was browsing at Borders a few weeks ago, and bought "Skinny Bitch" by . I got about half way through the book and quit. They recommend not eating meat, dairy, sugar or drinking alcohol. No wonder they're bitches. That takes all the fun out of food.

But I am going to make some changes. First the scary one... I'm giving up all alcohol for almost three weeks until school starts. I won't give it up forever because it's a taste and ritual I love, but I'm hoping it might jump start the weight loss. I haven't looked up the calorie count of one mixed drink or glass of wine, but that along with the nuts or cheese and crackers every night, must add up to a lot over the period of a week.

Other changes:

• fewer chips with a sandwich at lunch. I'll be counting them out instead of grabbing a handful. And I will never, EVER again eat them out of the bag.
• drinking more water.
• eating more fruit, especially as snacks
• cutting way back on sweet treats, but not denying myself because I'd only want it more.
• portion control
• no finishing Pipsqueak's leftovers
• eating slower.

It's really just being more conscious about what goes in my mouth. I don't want to do anything that I can't keep doing or isn't well-balanced. I also have to think about the example that I'm setting for Pipsqueak. I don't want her to be a dieter; I want her to be a healthy eater.

The Emancipation of Me.... Me!!

It's time I freed myself from an unhealthy and near-sedentary life style. It's one of those things that no one can tell you to do. You just have to decide to do it yourself, and I've decided it's time to get off my fat butt and get that fat butt off.

I gained 8 or 10 pounds last winter. I had maintained the same weight for almost 20 years except for when I was getting divorced and lost almost 20 pounds (not a recommended method of weight loss), and when I was pregnant and put on 30 pounds which I lost in just under a year. Weight just hasn't really been an issue for me and not something I had to work to control... until now.

It's not even ALL about the weight. If my body is a temple, mine has been crumbling. I have way too many aches and pains, tension in my neck most of the time and a general lack of energy. I convinced myself that I had a thyroid condition, but I had my doctor check it, and he reassured me that I'm just a hypochondriac and don't have a life-long condition requiring medication.

It's easy to make up excuses of why not to exercise:

• can't afford to go to the gym
• no one available to watch child/ren
• don't have the right clothes/shoes to wear
• don't have the time
• don't feel good right now; maybe when I feel better
• it's raining
• don't like to sweat.

What convinced me to do something (other than make excuses)? The sight of myself in shorts and (Egad! The horror!) a bathing suit. I've always had this dream that when I was 50 I wanted to be in shape like Tina Turner or Cher or Madonna. That's only 5 years + away, and it's not going to happen overnight.

Last week, I put together a playlist on my Ipod of music that keeps me moving, put on some comfortable clothes and sneakers and started walking. And I don't mean strolling. I mean if I was going any faster, I'd be running. When I was on vacation, I did 2 1/2 or 3 miles since it was on the coast and flatter. At home, it's a lot of steep up and down hill, so I'm doing 2 miles. So far, I've walked about 13 miles total, and I have to admit, I like how it makes me feel. I have more energy after I walk, and I like the happy endorphins I feel when I'm done.

The weird part is that I don't want to do it before I go. I feel like I have a devil on one shoulder and an angel on another. The devil is making excuses and the angel is telling me how good it is for me and how good I'll feel. When I get back, I can't wait to go out again. Unfortunately, that feeling passes, and I'll struggle again the next time. As my friend, Ellen so aptly put it, "Inertia is a wicked, wicked force."

Tomorrow, I'll talk about what I'm doing on the inside to change how I feel and look.

Fear of the Unknown

I've been away from Blogger for a few days, and tried to turn my lack of inspiration into perspiration. I did get a lot done, and I'll share a few of my accomplishments next week. Part the lack of inspiration may have stemmed from my mind dwelling on my upcoming oral surgery, which I had this morning.


I realized something about myself. I deal with adversity very well. I can overcome problems, withstand pain and when there's a battle, I'll form a detailed battle plan. What I don't deal with very well is uncertainty. It's best for me to get unpleasantness done and out of the way rather than postpone it, because I can work myself up into a real tizzy imagining and wondering. This surgery is a perfect example.


I've had surgery twice in my life, both of which had unpleasant side effects unrelated to the cause of the surgery. I had my impacted wisdom teeth extracted which resulted in nerve damage. The right side of my tongue was numb for about six months. I also had a c-section. I had an allergy to the adhesive on the bandage which left painful burns. I spent a fair amount of my first week at home with frozen peas in my pants to numb the pain. The incision itself wasn't painful much at all, and all I took was ibuprofen.

So these experiences left me a little apprehensive about surgery. I had an 8mm lump on the roof of my mouth on the border of the hard and soft palate. My dentist wanted me to see an oral surgeon, who ultimately thought it should come off even though it didn't look like a scary kind of lump. "Even though it doesn't bother me?" I asked incredulously. He sagely stated," High blood pressure doesn't bother anyone until they have a stroke, and then it's a little late." It's hard to argue with that kind of reasoning, and Sweetie backed him up with, "At our age, we have to get these kinds of things taken care of." (I hate being at the age, where you can use the phrase "at our age".)

I wasn't worried about the pain, I can take it. I didn't like the idea of a "mush and gruel" menu for a few days, but hey, maybe I'll lose weight. What nagged my brain was what else might happen... something that I might night be prepared for.

So far, all seems normal. The surgery was done before I knew he started. Putting the stitches in made me gag, but he told me I was a great patient. I get to eat all the popsicles I want, because the cold is good for pain and swelling. I've already had eight. The novocain wore off a couple of hours ago, and now it feels now it feel like I burned the roof of my mouth on really hot pizza. The stitches feel like I have a dog hair in my throat. Could it be possible that I just had pleasant surgery? (I'll be back on Monday.)

The Leg Bone's Connected to the Hip Bone...

Yesterday, I had a physical therapy appointment to try to deal with the tennis elbow that's been dogging me since before Christmas. It turns out my elbow is related to a problem with my shoulder, which is related to a problem with my back, which is related to a problem with my hip. I have tightness and constriction through my whole right side.


He started with few tests, like laying on my back and tilting my toes toward each other. My right foot only went half the distance of my left. He showed me that my right leg is about a half inch shorter than my left due to the constriction of muscles. It has also effected my posture, and he thinks I'm carrying myself an inch an a half shorter than I should. That explains why the doctor's office has measured me at 5'8" instead of 5'10" for the past couple of years. This also explains the wrist pain I had a while back, and all those little pains in my hips, back, shoulders and neck that I thought was just part of being over 40.


He asked if I skied. I hardly call my efforts to get from of the top of the mountain to the bottom skiing, but I said I did a little. He told me that if I was a serious skier, I would probably notice turning more difficult in one direction than the other because I wouldn't be able to get an edge. I didn't ski at all last year. I went once this year, and the third trip down, I did have trouble turning one way without feeling like I was going to fall. I thought I was just out of shape. When I was out snowshoeing this year, my hips would ache after a few minutes. I blamed it again on being out of shape, but it was probably more due to my "unbalanced load".


He did some trigger point therapy and craniosacral therapy on me, went over proper posture for sitting and standing , and gave me some home exercises. I'm also supposed to check and adjust my posture a couple of times an hour. He thinks I'll be fixed in four to five more weekly visits. It's probably just the placebo effect, but I think I feel a little better already.